Controlling behavior in a relationship occurs when one of the partners desires to control the other through manipulation, intimidation, or force. Being in a controlling partner in a relationship is draining and unhealthy. Controlling behavior leads to emotional distress, isolation, and even abuse. Identification and handling controlling behavior is necessary for the health of a relationship.
SIGNS OF A CONTROLLING RELATIONSHIP
A controlling partner may not even realize the harm they cause, believing that they are doing it for the other person’s benefit. Early detection of the warning signs will stop further escalation.
1. EMOTIONAL ISOLATION
A controlling partner will limit your interaction with friends and family by:
- Telling you not to socialize with friends.
- Saying negative things about your loved ones.
- Persuading you to lose supportive friends.
2. DESTRUCTIVE CRITICISM
Instead of constructive feedback, a controlling partner criticizes relentlessly, making you feel inadequate. They scrutinize your appearance, choices, and actions, making you doubt yourself.
3. INCREASING DEPENDENCE
Over time, a controlling partner may erode your independence, making even small decisions feel impossible without their input. This dynamic foster emotional reliance and weakens self-confidence.
4. THREATS AND MANIPULATION
Controlling people use threats—emotional or physical—to maintain control over others. These threats could be of injuring themselves, cutting off finances, or denying access to children.
5. CONDITIONAL LOVE
Your controlling partner may say that he or she loves you conditionally: “I will love you if you change for me.” True love must be unconditional and not based on control.
6. GUILT AND MANIPULATION
Controlling individuals excel at making you feel guilty for being independent, justifying their behavior as “normal” by manipulating.
7. ABSENCE OF PRIVACY
They want access to your phone, email, and money but keep theirs private, having had trust issues in the past.
8. EXCESSIVE JEALOUSY
Initially flattery, controlling partner jealousy becomes poisonous. They monitor movement, question relationships, and attribute infidelity without cause.
MANAGING A CONTROLLING PARTNER
If you feel that you are in a controlling relationship, reclaiming your autonomy starts with setting firm boundaries and remaining attuned to yourself.
1. DEFINE ACCEPTABLE LEVELS OF CONTROL
There is compromise in any relationship, but pay attention when your freedom is being disproportionately restricted.
2. SET BOUNDARIES EARLY
Establish personal boundaries early in a relationship so that control does not accumulate over time.
3. AVOID EMOTIONAL REACTIVITY
Answering controlling behavior with emotional outbursts can increase conflict. Instead, be calm and assertive.
4. MAINTAIN YOUR IDENTITY
A good relationship should enable both partners to retain individuality. Don’t give up friendships, hobbies, or personal ambitions to appease your partner.
5. COMMUNICATE CLEARLY
State your concerns clearly and firmly. Don’t use vague statements—be specific about what behavior is unacceptable.
Recommended Reading
How to Cope with a Partner’s Trauma
Must-Have Attires You Need As A Woman
30 Reasons Why People Marry Wrongly (1)
6. RECOGNIZE MANIPULATIVE TACTICS
Don’t allow guilt-tripping or emotional blackmail manipulate your perception of reality.
7. SEEK SUPPORT
Referral to reliable friends, family, or professionals who will be able to counsel and advise accordingly.
8. BE PREPARED TO WALK AWAY
Unless the partner has demonstrated readiness and willingness to release and/or cease controlling you, breakup can be an option.
CONCLUSION
Being in a controlling partner in a relationship is draining and unhealthy. It is crucial to pay attention to the warning signs and take assertive steps towards autonomy. A good relationship should set both partners free, not suppress one at the expense of the other. If efforts at addressing problems fail, do what is best for your health and break away from the toxic pattern. Your freedom and happiness should never be traded for a controlling partner.