How to Deal with a Spouse's Grief and Loss

It is not easy to support a spouse in grief and loss because it is experienced differently by each individual. Some express themselves openly, while others retreat. It is an unpredictable and non-linear process, with the nature of the loss and the relationship of the deceased to the bereaved influencing it. Setbacks can occur, re-awakening old grief and emotions.

RELATIONSHIPS, GRIEF & LOSS

As we all know, it is not easy to support a spouse in grief and loss. When a partner grieves, their emotions may be difficult to navigate. You might feel unsure of how to help or worry about saying the wrong thing. Communication may break down, especially if they isolate themselves. They may even direct their anger at you, which can be unexpected. Patience is crucial, as grief can last longer or be more intense than anticipated. Feeling stress and guilt during this time is common.

HOW TO STAND BY YOUR PARTNER WHILE THEY’RE LOSS

Challenges have the potential to strengthen a relationship by creating honesty and emotional safety. A bereaved person needs a judgment-free environment where they feel comfortable to deal with their feelings without fear of judgment. Acceptance and allowing grief can lead to a healthier grieving process.

Having supporting others around when one is in the process of grief helps shape other-talk and other-trust. If an individual perceives not being understood, he/she ends up emotionally withdrawing. Here are six support modalities:

1. ACCEPT THEIR UNIQUE GRIEVING PROCESS

There is no right or wrong to grieve. The fallacy that there are “stages” of loss can be hazardous; instead, people grieve in waves, and emotions change at random. Even when you’ve experienced loss, your response cannot be a guide to your partner’s journey.

2. BE PATIENT AND DON’T FIX THEIR PAIN

Let them express their pain without judgment or solutions. Listen with love and openness. Don’t compare their loss to yours or say, “I know how you feel.” Just be there and acknowledge their feelings.

3. TALK ABOUT THEIR LOSS

Others will avoid talking about the deceased because they do not want to make the grieving person sad. But memories can heal. Your partner may like to reminisce about regrets, missed opportunities, or happy moments. Sharing them will provide comfort and make one feel connected.

4. ENCOURAGE GENTLE PHYSICAL ACTIVITY

Exercise, like walking, can relieve stress and provide a break from grief. Walking together allows for incidental chat and can be therapeutic. Exposure to the outdoors also promotes emotional well-being.

5. ACCEPT THAT LIFE MIGHT NOT RETURN TO ‘NORMAL’

There is no timeline for loss. Even after weeks or months, your partner may still be struggling. Plan ahead for social events, such as an escape plan if they become overwhelmed. Grieving individuals often need flexibility in dealing with their emotions.

6. LOOK FOR SIGNS OF STRUGGLING

Signs of more profound problems include withdrawal, neglect of self, substance abuse, or changes in appetite. Rather than urging them to “move on,” express concern and suggest professional treatment if needed.

PROVIDING SUPPORT TO A GRIEF PARTNER

The most important thing you can do is show up for your partner in whatever form they require. Sometimes that is giving them space, and other times that is being present and an active listener. Grief is not a linear thing, and your partner can flip-flop between requiring solitude and being comforted in hours.

Knowing about phases of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and acceptance—will help you recognize their fluctuating emotions. But these do not necessarily happen in order and are not experiences everyone has. Knowing this will keep you patient and supportive.

Check in with your partner regularly, even if they seem to be coping. Most bereaved individuals struggle to reach out for help. Don’t wait for them to call when they need you—sometimes they need you to take the initiative.

Do your emotional self-care, especially if the loss brings up past losses. Engage in open communication, such that both you and your partner feel understood.

Enjoy small glimmers of happiness, such as a common interest or a day out. Individuals’ loss tends to feel guilty to experience happiness, yet inform them that their deceased would wish for them to be happy once more.

CONCLUSION

To support a spouse in grief and loss requires flexibility, patience, and empathy. Grief is unpredictable, and your support will have to be flexible too. By staying present, being empathic, and offer encouraging support, you are able to support your partner in their grief while strengthening your relationship in the bargain.

How to Deal with a Spouse’s Grief and Loss